quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
