trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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