if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
