dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
