its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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