It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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