i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
