Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
