Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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