no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
