On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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