I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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