that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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