Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
