i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
