and you said cock pushups were impossible
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
