she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
