Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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