; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
