Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
