What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
