So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
