I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Vodka?
Forever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
