You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
