so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You pole danced in your parka.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
