I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
