I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
