She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
