Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
