I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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