Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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