She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
