even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
