I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
