Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
