some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to make out with him forever
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
