I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Be still, my beating vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
