Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
