when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
