Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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