I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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