i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
