He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
