and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
