She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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