It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
