so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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