I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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