Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
