this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
