trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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