I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
