Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
