just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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