she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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