ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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