he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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