very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
