love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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