Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
