Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
