What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
