maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
