Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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