oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
