I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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