He passed out mid-signature
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
