May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I supernannyed him into submission
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
