You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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