She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How naked do you want me to be?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
