Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
