I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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