I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
