his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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