Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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