Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
